finding words

Basically how today feels like. Hey friends. Currently dealing with summer3 and it's midweek of our second week. The module is so immensely boring... Or maybe it's the prof. Her readings are a little boring as well but it gets better and slightly more interesting if you get through the intros. But I guess mass communication just isn't my stuff that's why I find it such a bore. Anyway, I finally cut my hair today! But I don't really like how it is now :-( Not sure if it's because it's too short or flat or doesn't suit me or I basically just need time to get used to it... But for now it isn't working for me. Just hope I can deal with it when I go to school *sigh*

Just got news from my manager that I can work additional Fridays at rochester, on top of my Saturdays at united. Well, although they are giving back the library duties to me (again) I guess I should just be grateful because they almost placed me at united on Fridays. Not exactly sure if I can handle an extra day of work because this module isn't exactly work-free, but I'm sure I'll manage somehow. After all, I'm probably only going to have to suck it up for another six or seven weeks before quitting my job. Fall's timetable this year sucks big time, no joke. I just can't get my damn ugc class off my Mondays. Also added another ugc mod so I'll be taking five mods altogether and that sounds pretty overwhelming, so I doubt I will even have the time or energy to cope with work anymore. Oh well, hopefully I can go back after fall ends or something. The thought of not earning money (covers my allowances and expenses) just sucks, since I no longer take money from my parents. Other than school fees and stuff. All of us are also separated which just spells  b a d. I pray to meet great friends and have great profs and meet great group mates. Amen.

Anyway, in other news, my "hippie" spectacles came in the mail today. But it doesn't suit me very well (second disappointment of the day) and now I am stuck in a dilemma - to sell or to keep. I have no idea why it is so hard to find the right frames for my face when other people can pull off almost anything. Some people are just born with everything. And for others, we just don't always get what we want. Happened to read that two of my close friends are planning to go on a trip, times like these I really hate school for making me miss out on so much.... Sometimes, there is a limit to how close you can get with people and no matter what, nothing can help you close the gap further. That's just how I feel about me and my closer friends. Sometimes I feel like the third party although I know that's not how they think but it's true they're closer to each other than to me. But then I've esther, who sadly is flying back to Aussie a little too soon. When she flew back on previous times, then flies back, it feels as if she never left. I cried a whole big deal (like an entire night, then fell really sick the next day) the night she first left for Aussie. But her frequent trips to and fro made me feel like she was always here and we just barely had the time to meet, so it didn't really feel like she was leaving. This time though, something feels different. Like I've missed her too much and her stay was just too short. I can't believe she is flying again and I just feel so sad thinking about it :-( Not like she isn't coming back anymore.... But it sucks that she has to be so far away especially when I need her company. Just a kind of sadness I can't exactly put to words. Alexithymia. Yes.

Thinking of doing braces (or at least the consultation part cause I am hell scared of pain/jabs) and I brought it up to parents quite a few times but they aren't really responsive towards it... I think it's the cost of it, cause it really is crazy expensive. That's why I'm hoping to be able to work more > earn more > save more > pay for my own braces. But then I also registered for my driving btt and after which lessons will probably tally up to 1k++ (private). On top of braces, I would probably need like at least 5k *lol* which is totally impossible but I'll still try my best to fork out whatever I can. Mother doesn't understand why I'm so desperate to take on more work cause I haven't told them about forking out my own money for driving and braces (they would flat out reject the idea with no second thoughts) so she literally thinks I am obsessed with money. Which I obviously am not, I just need the money to be able to help them out and lighten their financial burden in whatever ways I can. Now I just have to figure how to persuade them to let me pay... Hm.

Oh and also, because of the lack of $$ I can't happily buy bigbang concert tickets while others can :-( That is legit sad okay, I really really really WANT to go to their concert. Ugh, should probably never have started listening to their MADE series album -_- Meh I shall just watch all their concert fancams or whatever and SAVE UP so I can get their ticket for reals when they come again (soon, I hope).

Alrights that was one long-winded post. I hope I will feel better tomorrow. Assignments and projects to clear... How fun.

Till next time xx